You know, all along I thought there were little earthquakes shaking my bed at 6 in the morning, but now I realize it’s you doing yoga in my bed. Get a fucking yoga mat, king!

Doing yoga on my bed at the ass crack of dawn isn’t going to make me want to join you, ok? Or at least schedule it for a more reasonable hour. i mean come ON!

Oh my snugglebunnerton, it’s cold here in Austin. I didn’t pack a sweater cuz you were all like IT’S AUSTIN and I was all like YEAH. Well that is the last time I ask someone with fur for packing advice in December.

oh, and while we’re on the topic of fashion, why didn’t you tell me i look like a lesbian in that plaid flannel shirt, huh?

King, your enemy is upon you. Wake up, you and patty are almost snuggling! Don’t tell me you’ve turned all Canada on me and formed a peace treaty with the fucking dog. I can’t believe the things that happen in the house when I’m gone.

TGI  whuuuuutttt?

you already ordered the pizza and ate it without me? god DAMNIT, king! its only 3 o’clock!

what are you? fucking garfield? i TOLD you i wanted pizza when i got home. you found some weed and just couldn’t wait for me to get home, huh. i KNEW i shouldn’t have gotten you that medical marijuana card.

you really need to think about how your actions affect others, king. i’m pretty disappointed in you.

Oh my little pumpkin pie, I am thankful for you and the way your breath smells like cat food and the way your neck smells like flea medication.
We’ve really got a good thing going here!

Baby, seriously I am going to be gone for FIVE DAYs! And you are more interested by my fucking suitcase. Cuz it’s shaped like a box? King, FIVE FUCKING DAYS!
am I the only one hurting here?
What has happened to our love?

oh king you are so DIY!, preferring crumpled receipts from the burrito place to those fancy toys the 1% percent cats always buy. clearly you are my child, makin sumthin out of nuffin.

viva la revolucion, bebe!

you are all up in my GRILL, baby!  what is your damage? mom needs some space sometimes, ok? get your OWN pillow! 

king, WAKE UP! there is a dog in a sweater creeping up on your spot!

are you going soft? what is your deal?!

ATTACK THAT SHIT!

I see you in there, you know. And I also know what happens when you try to pretend you are wild and can stay outside all night.
Yup
Crying.
Like a little baby.
Also, plants aren’t like that in real life.
Oh baby! I guess its no worse than pretending Santa Claus is real, right ?
What? You did t know that? I’m SORRY! I….. Baby……..!